Monday, January 5, 2009

Oh... NO - SHE did"NT!!!

Mama KK and Papa Bob isn't she so cute! Good Morning all my fellow bloggers. Today I am going to talk about my mother and our lil trip to wally world yesterday. My mother does not like to shop at all. She only makes plans when she absolutely has to go out, either to get groceries or medicine. Yesterday was I need a couple of things...looks to me and says you don't have much to get or look at do you...cause dar can kill some time just wondering around looking at people more than looking at stuff. I said no just need some aquarium stuff basically I am good. So, off we go..should known the kind of mini trip it would be by the way she was wrestling with her seat belt and yaking back at it.! (clue no.1)
Okay clue number two (keeping my mouth shut) she is only doing 28 miles per hour...in a 45... I start twicing at this point...keeping ever so quiet..which is soooo hard for me...miss led foot. (Re: Derfina I believe posted a screaming cat blog ode' to me) Normally my mom is a great, calm driver..today is different though. But, knowing there is a "mood" upon us I will remain quiet about the speed. (secretly inhaling a xanex) Well, we make a normal turn onto seaway road it's appox. 3 miles long...and boring industial site road! Then she decides she needed to do the speed limit plus a lil more...then preceded to find out a Cadillac was in her way..and it is evidentially clear to her they absolutley do not know how to drive...(now at this point dar is wondering why she decide to go and what is wrong with her ever so calm mom today and is now getting a lil concerned) as we tailgate them all the way to the red light...then a lil further!
Okay we are now pulling into to wally world over by the garden center, where we normally park. Well, come on everybody let's poke Kay Kay some more today...We go to turn in the correct way to go park..our arrow is point the correct way...Well, wouldn't you know it, somebody is coming out the wrong way and we can't turn till they get out the way....(yes, that is me sinking in the seat) This person had to be at least 90 driving and had oxygen running around her head...(no judgement here!?!wtf) Well, that is all KK needed to start her on her growl again...I am so thankful that older person had their window up because lord knows KK was giving her the buisness and then some (yes that is my favorite color on my face PURPLE) I am still in shock at what I am hearing come out of my mothers mouth. This is a woman if I drop the F bomb around her by mistake...she will make me leave (no discussion get out my house NOW!)..She called Derfina and said come get her before I kill her the last time I dropped the f bomb. (Derfina did and took me to Mobile...go figure!) Okay so now we are shopping...we do not stay together I could not handle that...not in her mood today! So, I get my lil bit of stuff call her on the phone tell her I am ready when ever I will be up front...an hour later she showed up...
OKay we check out, I am loading up her car and we are on the way out of here to safely getting KK back home and away from poeple today. Okay any of you who have ever been to Wal mart Wally World will know that the parking lot is the biggest challenge of all to get out of safely! Having said that we go to back up ...but can't, yes, you are correct there is a car coming down the wrong way (OMG here we go again) Well, KK at this point is extremely mad...I see smoke but not from her cig....so as we take up soooo much more room then we needed...she approaches the big duelly rig truck...rolls her window down and informs Mr. I ain't been to wally world since last year it's time to stock up...truck man..he is going the wrong way...he looks at her and just precedes on... I scatch my head going what is with KK today.
Okay we are now on the lane to get us to the main road... When I notice a brother man heading out in his hoopty ride...I was admiring his hoopty and how much brother man had spent on his old hoopty...Rims all a shinning...cobalt blue metalic paint job...old style with new style brother man hoopty job. Well, brother man didn't stop...brother man cut KK off and I mean really bad...to point she had to slam on brakes (arms comes flying arcoss hits me in the chest slamming on breaks fast...ounch ma...Yes, see still trys to protect her 48 year old kid in the car that has her seat belt on..but mama's arm will always protect you from flying through the windshield, or choaking if by chance you were at that "very"point.) Well, ever heard of the LAST STRAW...brother man broke it ..broke the straw BAD!! ( I am extremely nervous at this point) Brother man slows down because he sees this crazy redhead going bananas...his window is down...I see KK rolling hers down. At this point I am begging...let it go mama...let it go...usually it is me already out of my car demanding brother man get out and lets get it on...but not this time. It is lil ole KK...My mother is 71 years old and barely 100 pounds! Brother man gets even with KK's window and she is letting him have it...brother man is looking at her, looking at me, I am looking at his blunt he is smoking (thanking God he is smoking that blunt and is in maybe a happy place-I am praying!) I am giving the brother man the I know she is a lil crazy look.. but don't make me get out and kill you brother man...you got a cool hoopty an all...just don't make dar get out! (Dar is a stand standing 5'1 and Chest bowed out to a size 50 by now...I get big and proud when I get my defense stance on )
Brother man's car you got to realize is so close he or KK couldn't open their doors...all he had to do was just punch her...I could feel it...I am freaking at this point big time...going I am going to have to do something if he makes one move...(now he was in the wrong...but my mother didn't have to pick a fight...she was aware it was handled to where nobody got hurt YET! Thank goodness again, brother man was chilling with his blunt because I don't think he could process as fast as KK was hurling her word bullets at him! Otherwise I think I would be positng a couple of mug shots here. Brother man gave me a side ways smile and rolled on...(breathing hard with relief) I then dove into my mother about picking fights with brother men who drive hoopties! I asked her what was going on with her today and she said she is just fed up with rude people and just isn't going to take it anymore...she doesn't give a rip what they think... OH my, I think I will be offering to do more of her shopping for her from now on.!!! Thank you brother man for not punching out KK and making me get out and beat the life out of you...oh yes, I could...you can't do chit if you ain't got any knee capps sucker!! Bring it...LOL yes, I have a short chit attitude and I don't give a rip!

xoxo dar

4 comments:

Braja said...

Beware the short smiling angry woman :)

darsden said...

LOL you betcha!

Reddirt Woman said...

Sounds like you had one exciting trip to wally world. So your mama had had all the rude people she wanted to deal with and wasn't going to take it anymore... did you ever figure out what started this mood off in the first place?

If I'd been in the car with you all there would be a pucker place in my seat from clinching butt cheeks from the nerves from the drive, not to mention reaming out the brother.

Too funny...

Helen

darsden said...

Hi, Helen, rotflmao off at the pucker place! No, sometimes I just don't poke KK to find out. I have to remember she is 71 and is entitled to feel how she does she'd earn it!;-)