Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Never Expected

It has been a little over two years since losing my beloved Mom.
Never in my life would I have expected the roller coaster ride I am on.

They say "Time Heals Everything" well it really doesn't!!!
It just makes time harder and longer without her
She was My Best Friend

What I wasn't prepared for was the entire change of events and people in my life.
Those who I had been there .. time after time... through their life events..

Friends?  I always showed up for ...even for their stupidest reasons....
Where were they? Why aren't they here....???
Some have been with me since school days and others over 20 years.....
Why ... when I never asked anything ever of them...
Why.... in my darkest hour....am I alone....

I had 2 phone calls in the first 3 months...my friend so drunk barely understandable.
I thought wow calling to checking on me... blitzed but checking ...
Nope just wanted to cry about her life and break up and how hard it was...
although cheating was involved on both sides...how hard it was on her...

WTF

and doesn't understand "our" distance.....


then the other "best friend" from school days...
can't even begin this one..many, many times there for her....
so shocked but what I read and discovered...
can't even share it

These 2 women Know who they are ....

I deserve better friends than this...
I deserved a friend like I had been to them...

I have received many friendship call and compassion from my friends in the blog world. People who I have not met in person but who have continued to be there for me. Priceless people I would not trade for the world. You let me know you are here and I appreciate that so much.

I have friends I have reacquainted with and so thankful for. School friends a high school reunion brought back together my coffee club girls... love them :-)

Friends that have been out of contact with but a party on the river has brought back into my circle again...so thankful... thankful for my blessings I have received in my darkest hours....


It's not easy forging new territory without my rock, my stability, my friend my Mom.

So, hard to watch pops get on with his life with his new lady...but happy he isn't alone.

Hard to watch it from my window ...
where I watched my Momma
Live and Be Happy....

Hard to walk her footsteps....


when you lose your mom... you lose more than you could have ever expected!


you find out who your friends are....

most importantly ...

who they aren't....

I have said it before and I will say it again
IF you knew me before....
You don't know me now...

Standing UP
Speadking out
Not taking Shit Anymore

OH and specially want to say
Thank You to those I call my friends
I do really appreciate you all


xoxo dar
Geaux Get Your Read On !
"The will of God will never take you
where the Grace of God will not protect you"

7 comments:

Brian Miller said...

hey you...good to see you...i am sorry you feel so alone in this...i know losing her mom was extrememly hard for my wife and i had to be there for her through those feelings and emotions...time does not heal the gravest of wounds...only love can do that..

darsden said...

Brian-hey to you my friend! Thank you and Brian you are a constant council for me and you probably don't know it :-) but I read and I hear you and again thank you friend!

Twisted Fencepost said...

Darlene, you had a relationship with your Mom like I had with my Dad. And I can definitely feel your pain. Somedays I miss him so much. But I know that life goes on and I must keep reminding myself.
And I know how sad it makes you to realize that the one's you thought would be there no matter what are the one's who let you down. Been there, too. But we must live on. My Dad and your Mom would not want us to stop living just because their time is up. They are waiting for us, but for now we must contine to live life to the fullest, enjoy each moment that is given to us and not dwell on those we have lost, living or not.
I am here for you whenever you need me.
And who knows, maybe one day I'll get to visit Mississippi and we can spend a night crying in our beer together. Then we'll toast one another and thank God for those he gave us. even though they are gone, they made us who we are. Love ya!!

darsden said...

Twisted Fencepost-Thank you my good friend and Yes, I do know you Know all too well. I appreciate it and you are right. Some days are worst than others. But, I was raise right and know the path continues forward!! I also have to release the loss and anger ...which is what I did yesterday. It does help and the feedback I get here helps immensely.
I cannot wait to get together with you. You stay in my prayers because I am very aware of your path too...a harder one than I lady! But you are of good stock as they use to say and a real keeper and thank you for being my friend.

Japolina said...

So sorry. I guess it is easy to be a friend when things are good. When things are not so good , you learn who your true friends are. I always say that all you need is one true friend. The rest is gravy.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hey Dar, Welcome back.....

It's sad that people can't be present for the really, really hard times. But, as they say-- When someone shows you who they are, believe them..... And if necessary, walk away from them.

Hang in there. xo jj

Shamsud said...

This is a fine piece. Time can never heal........it puts things in some compartments which keeps erupting