Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Through Moms Window / I am Nobody Special

I had my friend Barbara make this stain glass Rose, for mom's rose room den.
It was by her computer area.
Notice her collage of her love ones all around her.
I made this picture and this title back on July 23, 2009. My plan was to write a post about the woman beyond this window, my mom. I was letting it simmer in my brain so I could do her justice because I just couldn't throw any words out there, they had to really show her in the truest form. (one reason because she would be reading it and my goodness it had better be right by her! second she deserves all the praise I can shout out about her)

Well, as most of you know I lost my beautiful mother on January 5th of this year. So, now I sit to try to breathe without the air that filled my lungs for 49 years. To try to tell you all just how wonderful she was, how she sacificed raising 3 kids alone. (insert I harbour NO, resentment for the Tom Jackson who along with my mother created me but split when I was 6 months old and I have never laid eyes on him...but hey thanks... we had mom to ourselves and didn't need anything from you either to survive!)

but really seriously how do people have kids and just never see or talk to them ever???

So needless to say this story has taking a horrible left turn on me. My biggest fear was losing my mom, I had know idea it would be this soon and so unexpected.

Monday the 4th we went and ran some errands, about lunch time she said she felt like she might be getting a cold. I go panic mode because she did have a weak immune system and the last thing she needed was a cold. So, we started precautions. I talked to her at 8:38 that evening and told her I hope felt better and she wasn't getting real sick, don't over medicate, get some rest and call me if she needed anything.

Phone rang Tuesday morning at 7:44 am's pops cell phone...
instant panic not a good sign
"Darlene Come Quick"
I flew across the yard, flew pass pop opening the door, flew into moms room.

I tried CPR even though I knew it was too late, I dialed 911 in total shock...
Then I called my sister....

then my brother....

I am nobody special

I know I am nobody "special" or rare...people lose their mom and dad every day.

I am nobody special

However my Mom was a very special and rare person. She was my best friend, We were always together. My siblings are 4 and 5 years older than me not a big deal now but when your younger it is. So, I was a little longer leaving moms. (insert did ya ever leave-uhmmm a couple of years)Then 7 years ago I moved into her and pops back yard How blessed was I. In all my years I never recall my mother raising her voice in anger to me or to anyone. She always had a smile, a laugh and a song in her heart.
So far 2010 is roaring in... 1/5/2010 mom, 1/17/2010 mom and pops 30th wedding anniversary, 1/24/2010 would have been my moms 72nd birthday.
I also lost a dear friend on 1/7/2010

I am nobody special
She was my sister and brother's best friend too

we are not special

She was Everybody's best friend, that is who KK was.

My biggest fear in life was my fear of losing my mom. I am meeting that fear head on. (really what choice do I have) I am nobody special. I was blessed to have her for 49 wonderful years. Others have felt that loss much more earlier than 49 years. I have so many memories packed in for those wonderful 49 years! So blessed am I!!!

I am nobody special

I made this post title back in July to pay a different and another tribute to KK because she was somebody that special. But I had no clue she would not be around to enjoy it. Because KK was special and she was all about all the attention being directed her way...because she was funny and comical that way and special. Thank goodness she made us take a Gazillion pictures of her! Seriously if there is one photo album, not counting what we the kids have, she has well over 300 hundred of them! No, YOU don't want me to prove it!

I am nobody special, but to my Mom, I was special and she always made me feel like I was somebody really special. (and not because I ride the short bus)

I am nobody special

Oh but how special my mother was, mere words cannot capitulate let alone do her enough praise
(but I have a feeling you all will be dealing with a lot of KK praising coming in the future)

I am nobody special
but ooooh she was
how very very special she was

I will never be the same without her....
Remember when I had this picture made for her Mother's Day 2009 we had so much fun that day, I took a Gazillion pictures that day too....look how happy I looked...and fat....damn! Fat and Happy Gooood Times

now some crazy family shots with mom from mother's day 2009

sorry pop this is what happens when shorty takes the picture

how Blessed were we!!!

to be continued....


Geaux Get Your Read On!

'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'


Pearl said...

How poignant, Dar, and what a sweet and wonderful person you are. Your mother must be so proud.

We lose people, and that is not special. Painful, yes. Common, too.

But you? You ARE special, Dar.

Hugs and kisses from the Great White North,


Anonymous said...

Beautiful and you are someone special!

Brian Miller said...

i am glad you wrote this dar...she was a special lady as you have shown, and you are someone special, just read your words. smiles.

♥ Braja said...

Dar honey, what a beautiful tribute, an expression of your heart....and I hate to argue but it just shows how special you're special to me, and to many...and to your loving have such a special heart....I remember those pics from Mothers' Day, and recall thinking how much love and sweetness there was amongst you all....

Ahhh.....Dar special xoxoxo

Twisted Fencepost said...

Yes, your Mother was special to you and everyone she came in contact with. From the way it sounds.
But she helped to mold you into who you are. You are an extension of her. And you are a VERY SPECIAL person!!!
I wish I had had that same relationship with my mother.

jojo said...

Oh Dar, I didn't know. I am so. so. very. sorry....thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Your mom was the best - Some of my hardest laughter was in her company... probably the result of something silly she said or did.... Loved to go visit her with you... You ARE lucky to have so many wonderful memories and pictures... there is never enough time... never... I am so sorry.
Denise xo

idgtm said...

I read this with a heavy heart as I am so, so sorry for your loss and pain. I, too, cannot fathom the day when mine is no longer with me.

A very special tribute.

Anonymous said...

Great tribute to KK she loves you Dar! She will be with you forever ask me how I know this I do. Tears streaming down for you and my heart knows your feelings dear friend. But find strength in the fact that she is with you Dar! Coffee Soon! DANA

darsden said...

Thank you all for the wonderful kind words. I really appreciate the time spent reading about my mom and taking the time to comment.

She was truly a class act all the way!

Suzy said...

That stained glass window is so beautiful and so fitting as a perfect rose is often given to a perfect person.

blognut said...

Know what, darlin'? This is beautiful and you got it all right. All except that part about you being nobody special.

You got that part wrong. You ARE special.


Joanna Jenkins said...

What a loving and beautiful tribute to your mother. I am so sorry, I didn't know she passed away.

From the sparkle in your mom's eyes, I think she's correct you with a big hug if she heard you say you are not special. It clear from your words just how special you really are.

Sending love and prayers.

Reddirt Woman said...

Dar your momma would have been all over you like a duck on a June bug for saying you are nobody special. From all we have read throughout your blogging KK is woven in and through you and you know she is woven in and through every fiber of you and therefore YOU are special because you are full of KK!

You know I'm right girlfriend... KK would have been all up in your face telling you that you are special because she and God don't make junk. Both of them make special people. And you are one of the special people and even more so because of your sweet little momma...


Reddirt Woman said...

Oh, yeah, my little momma's birthday was 1/24... Something special about that day as far as making very special mommas...


otin said...

Dar, that was beautiful! I am sure that your mom is smiling, reading this from a good place. I also bet that she would say that she was lucky to have you, and that you are someone special. This was so inspiring! ((Hugs))

Susan said...

Absolutely stunning. Well done, Darlene. Stunning.

blueviolet said...

That was absolutely beautiful. You're wrong though. You ARE somebody special!

julz said...

awesome post, dar, and as blueviolet says you are indeed special. so sorry for your loss

Lilly said...

Oh Dar, I have been away from blogging and had no idea ever. That post was just beautiful and I felt every word you said. And as everyone said you are so very special and you have your Mom in you. Just remember that. Look forward to the next post. Big hugs to you.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Love ya, girl. I've missed you - but I'll be back soon!

Pop and Ice said...

You are lucky to have been so close to your Mom for so many years. Yet it's never enough.

This Is My Blog - fishing guy said...

Dar: Sorry for your loss, I'm sure things will improve with time. She was a beautiful lady. Time heals all, remember the good times.
Sorry for the confusion with the other Dar.

Maggie said...

You gave me a knot in my throat. I know your mother knows you're special Dar. Big Hugs to you and I know she is looking after you up above!

Juli Ryan said...

What a beautiful post. Your mother was lucky to have a daughter like you. You *are* special, and I'm so sorry for your loss, my dear.